Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
