Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
