no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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