Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
