So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
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Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
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I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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