Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Can I color on your dick again?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
