just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
