4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
