I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
