In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
