How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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