i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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