I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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