Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My butt remains clenched, sir.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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