just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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