Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
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Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
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He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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