i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
