Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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