great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
