White coat. Heels.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
