The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
