and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
