I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
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so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
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This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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