Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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