I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
