Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
