Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
