is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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