apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
