Pants 0. Shit 1.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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