The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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