Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
