I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
