He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
