My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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