just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
