remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
