John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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