hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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