Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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