She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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