I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
