Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
