You can't special order awesome
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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