best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
