i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I enjoy the company of your penis
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