Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
either way he was missing a nipple.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
