I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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