You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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