Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Randomize
