Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
