My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
