New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
