i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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