Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
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she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
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It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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