I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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