I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
