U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
