Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize