I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i barfeds in our rink
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
