like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
