Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
